What is the bravest thing I’ve ever done?
Hmmmm… Me? Brave? This question was posed to me quite some time ago, and I couldn’t answer. I didn’t know how to answer. I have gone through definite hardships throughout my life, but was anything I did to leave those behind, brave? Let me give some background.
I went from an abusive relationship, to moving back home, to marrying into another abusive relationship, to moving back home, to a one sided relationship, to moving back home again… And then the most devastating thing happened in my life… I lost the BEST Dad that I could ever have been blessed with. This loss was a nexus towards a double life. I was super Mom by day. I drove my two kids to school every day, picked them up after school, we played together, did homework, I made dinner and they were in bed by 7:30pm. My kids were good students with good grades. Besides being a full-time mom, I was also a full time student, with straight A’s and on the Dean’s list. Once they were asleep, I transformed into my rock star –ish alter ego. This was a whirlwind of drugs (shhhh… don’t tell anyone), alcohol abuse and countless meaningless relationships. This led to yet another abusive relationship… Seeing a pattern? Mind you, this took years for me to realize… But I finally did.
I decided to break that pattern. My sister told me to ask the Universe for my “perfect partner”. This was while I was still in possibly the worst case of abusive relationships I’ve ever gone through. I’ll say a year later, a switch inside my head just flipped. Something horrible happened with this monster I was with, while both of my children were with me. That was the last straw. They actually SAW the abuse happen. The next day, I called my sister. It was a call to arms. Within a few hours, we packed up everything out of our apartment and moved into my sister’s home. This is the power of family.
Three months later, I opened my eyes to a man who had been there for years. By George; everything about him matched what I asked the Universe for all along! This was scary, but I already knew the man. I knew his family. So I gave it a chance. I was sure that this was meant to be. I believed that I deserved it. Believe you me, this was not an easy thing to do. I had just spent nearly 8 years with a monster. I took a leap of faith. In less than a month, we were living happily together. About a year later, we were engaged. Two weeks later, we eloped! I said yes to happiness.
Okay…Back to the question at hand. What is the bravest thing I’ve done? My new husband and I decided to move two states away from everything and everyone that we knew. I left my safety net called family. My daughter who had never spent more than a few days away from me decided to move in with her dad instead of stay with me. This killed me inside. But I could not force her to be away from everything she knew. This new adventure was my decision with my husband. Where he went, I went.
Five months after getting married, we were in the state of Washington. It was exciting, yet terrifying. We embarked on this adventure nearly three years ago. The first year was the hardest financially, emotionally and spiritually. I didn’t know how we would make it.
It has been beautiful being surrounded by nature. This time in Washington has been a mixture of good, bad and great experiences. But the greatest gift it’s given me; is renewed love for my family. I took the closeness to them for granted. Family is a huge part of me being who I am. I cannot be away from them. We are moving back…soon.
Malyna Rivera Lutz in a nutshell.
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